Code Of Conduct

This Code Of Conduct applies to all members of the Birdcage, including Moderators and the Owner. Moderators have their own Code of Conduct in addition.

Expected Activities

  • Please make sure that all posts are relevant to the topic of the board on which they are posted. In particular, any topic not directly related to Polyamory is to be posted in the "Off Topic" section of the Forum.
  • This Forum is not "adult-rated"; while the topics covered are engaged in by consenting adults, there is no need for profanity or explicit language, including explicit talk of s*x or drugs.

Posting Guidelines

  • Common courtesy says do not use all CAPS in written communication - it’s the equivalent of SHOUTING!
  • Please post in the appropriate board and keep discussions on topic. Moderators have the right to move discussions between boards, or to split discussions into more than one thread.
  • It is requested that posts and comments be made in English or translations provided as necessary.

Respect For Other Members

  • All Members of this Forum will respect the opinions and presence of other Forum members.
  • Members may choose to use an alias on this Forum, instead of their real names or names used elsewhere online. Even if you know them by another name, refer to them in the Forum by their chosen Forum alias at all times, unless granted permission to do otherwise.
  • Opinions may differ; this should not be turned into a challenge about who is right or wrong but rather viewed as a difference of opinions and an opportunity for conversation.
  • Members are welcome to engage in challenging and spirited debate with other Members, but rudeness will not be tolerated, including (but not limited to) name-calling, disrespect or personal insults. These actions will not be tolerated from an instigator or from anyone who feels compelled to respond to such instigation.
  • Attacking another Member because of spelling, lack of proficiency in the English language or word choice will not be tolerated.
  • Personal attacks, rudeness or flaming of ANY kind will not be tolerated; Members who violate this will be subject to having their membership revoked. If there is an issue with another Member, contact a Moderator to handle it; do not attempt to resolve the matter in the open Forum.
  • All Members are real people with real feelings so if you wouldn’t say it to someone in person, do not say it on the Forum.

Respect For New Members

  • Current Members are encouraged to welcome New Members as they arrive in the "Introductions" section.
  • New Members should expect questions for clarification but will not be attacked for being newcomers. They will be treated with respect and not attacked for being new and unsure.
  • New Members may be completely new to poly and the "jargon" associated with it. Rather than criticising them for this, or making assumptions about their situation, take extra time to clarify what they mean when they use a term to explain their situation or opinions.
  • Flaming of New Members is expressly forbidden, be it for personality differences, grammar, spelling, post ettiquette or questions.


This is not a Forum for personals ads or solicitations.

  • Keep personal communiques of a certain nature to Private Messages (PM).
  • If asked to stop in a PM, stop and remember that no means NO.
  • Harassment of other Members will not be tolerated. Members who feel harassed by another Member should bring it to the attention of the Moderators immediately via a PM or by flagging the corresponding post, if it was done in the open forum. Based on the severity of the offense, Moderators can choose to warn the offending user (noting it in the Moderator-only area of the forum) or to ban the user outright with the consensus of the Moderation team. Repeated warnings by Moderators may result in a ban on the offending member.
  • There are plenty of dating resources that are poly and non-mono friendly, such as OkCupid, Polymatchmaker, Poly Friends Network, etc. Links to these resources can be found on the Online Resources page of the Forum Documentation.


The privacy, safety, and personal comfort of this community is of the utmost importance. The nature of this Forum means that there will be times that sensitive topics are discussed. The intent is to create a safe space and a place where Members may share personal issues as well as the trivial. Compromising that space will cause review for expulsion from the Forum.

  • Every Member has their own level of anonymity or out-ness that is to be respected at all times.
  • The membership list is confidential to Full Members only. Do not share this or any part of this (including any person’s involvement in it) with anyone outside the Forum.
  • Discussions on the Forum and meeting locations and attendances are confidential to the membership and should not be discussed with anyone who is not a Full Member of the forum. If a Member chooses, they may add a waiver to a post that says it can be made public, or broadcast outside the Forum. This applies to that post only.
  • Do not quote messages received from other people in private mail, Private Message or Instant Message, unless mutually agreed beforehand.
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